The police scanner is talking about you again....
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize