everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
