I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
