maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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