all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
