Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize