We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
