It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
