READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
