I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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