I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
