Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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