Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
