3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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