"it" just moved
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
