how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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