I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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