I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
