They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I love you. Go after that dick
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
