Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
