all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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