You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize