Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
