Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
