I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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