Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
