i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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