i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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