can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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