Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
