if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
only if we run a train.
done.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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