So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
