I CAN MOONWALK!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
