do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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