NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
