fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
