If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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