Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
