Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize