So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
