your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
