Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize