you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
