drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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