respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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