just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
