Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
