I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
you never un-have a 4some
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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