Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize