I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize