i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
