U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
