Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
