I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
