In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize