they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
