Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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