my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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