eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
