my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
