Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
