Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
