He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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