you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
