on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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