3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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