I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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