you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
