Jerry, you need to find god
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize