ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
