and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
