Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
