Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I CAN MOONWALK!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
