I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
