Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
